I don't know why...

I don't know why I let people upset me the way I do. I don't want to have the "my life sucks" attitude, but I do. People make me feel bad about myself, make me feel inadequate, make me feel all alone. Sometimes I really wish I could just pick up and go away. Stop telling me I can, because I can't and those few of you that always tell me "we all love you", stop. Seriously. Actions speak louder than words. I dislike myself right now, no matter what anyone else says. And there are certain people that just make me feel worse and worse about myself. I feel gross, and fat, and ugly, and because of all of that, unloved. Even if someone was interested in me, I don't think I would allow myself, in the state I am in, to get involved. It's a double-edged sword. I don't know how to explain it. I just needed to get this off my chest. I wish I knew how to fix it. I am sure I will have more to write later, but for now I need to go do something else.