Chickens...

I know, I know... I haven't said anything in quite some time.

Living on a hill in NorCal is a beautiful thing.  I have a great view, the air is clean, the chickens are clucking, and everyone is friendly here.  We are trying to make a name for ourselves here.  I got my seller's permit in California and I am working on getting the Mendocino County Farmer's Market application approved so I can start vending my wares.  I did sell some stuff to a store in town here, but most want me to come back in summer or fall.  Spring is apparently not a busy time for them.  We are right off the 101, so it's a fairly touristy area from what I understand.

The trip out here was epic.  It took 3 weeks, including a week of being stuck in Oklahoma.  We had our ups and downs, but the day we made it to California was magical.  I remember Roger and I played every California song we had on our ipods as we approached the border.  We were thrilled to finally be there, and less than an hour to our first California destination.

The destination was Grass Valley.  It was really pretty area in the Foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountain range.  It was nice being there and visiting with an old friend from high school, but we were very isolated and had nothing to do.  We took a one day trip across the state to see a few of Mark's friends and fell in love with the area and the idea of having work and friends nearby, so about a week later we moved.

We now live in a smallish town about an hour inland from Ft. Bragg.  We still haven't made it to the coast yet, but soon.  I want to see some sea-lions dammit!  Regardless, we are happy where we are, the boys are working and I am beginning to vend at the Mendocino County Farmer's markets, as well as selling some of my stuff to shops in town.

The property we live on is 80 acres and has amazing views.  There are 2 dogs, 2 chickens, and a 72 year old, Romanian, retired ship captain, care-taker that live here as well.  The care-taker has re-named Mark to "El Greco" and I think I like that much more than "Overboard", so we're going to try to make it stick.

So anyway, there is work to be done... sorting trash for recycling.  Until next time my friends, Lovin you!

There is a drum circle in the kitchen...

It sure has been busy these last few months.  I spend my days molding young minds and teaching them hope to use sarcasm properly. lol At night I have been sorting, and packing all of my belongings.  I have either sold of given away most of what I owned in preparation for my new life.  Bonnie and I have moved into a cute little apartment thing in Dunedin.  It's a super cute little town; we are 2 blocks from the water, 5 blocks from downtown and 1 block from the Pinellas trail.  Perfect location.  Last night we could hear drumming coming from somewhere downtown. Sadly the drummer only knew one beat, but it reminded us of cleanup this summer when a huge rum circle started in the kitchen.
Bonnie probably won't be here terribly long :( but soon, (2 months) Mark will be back, and we will spend our last month in town at this cute little place by the water.  This is a good change.  I needed to move.  That house was just making me depressed.  Bad memories, bad juju.  I miss the boy, I wish he were here now, but he's working hard; only had one day off so far this month.  We will have the most amazing life together.  I just wish he would hurry up and come back to me so we can get started.

Yes, I did tell my bosses I was taking leave in January.  I am sure you all wanted to know.  They are all very supportive and completely get what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.  I just wish other people would understand, but I am not wasting my time on people  who just want to judge me.  I want to travel and see the country, I want to grow my own food, I want to write a book, etc etc etc

Today we are getting the new place all purdy like and then I will take some pictures.  :)

Realization

I ran into an old friend Friday night. This is a person I met when I was about 15 years old, which was right in the middle of what I am realizing was my one true love. Some old memories were brought up, and I have been thinking about how I became the completely insecure person I am today.

This stupid boy broke my heart. No, he shattered it. I have not had a "healthy" relationship since that time. My marriage was never even rooted in love. I don't know what it was, but it sure wasn't mutual.

I remember months after we broke up sitting with him in the dark as he told me that he was better and he wanted me back. I was crying and I almost half considered it. I said no, I couldn't do that, I couldn't go back to that. In the end he had just thrown me away for someone else. Someone who was white trash and had a stripper name. He crushed me. I'm broken.

I don't know what I have been looking for all these years since I was 16 years old, but I know I have always had to be in control. I hate that. I don't want to control things. I want love more than anything. I want to share life with someone. I don't want to be the 3rd wheel. I love my friends but I always feel like the odd man out. I want someone who wants to hug me and hold me, and be with me. I don't want to look anymore. Someone needs to show up in mt life. I am tired of having a broken heart. It's time to sew it back up. I'm old. I don't want to be alone, and I surely don't want to settle again.