I don't know why...

I don't know why I let people upset me the way I do. I don't want to have the "my life sucks" attitude, but I do. People make me feel bad about myself, make me feel inadequate, make me feel all alone. Sometimes I really wish I could just pick up and go away. Stop telling me I can, because I can't and those few of you that always tell me "we all love you", stop. Seriously. Actions speak louder than words. I dislike myself right now, no matter what anyone else says. And there are certain people that just make me feel worse and worse about myself. I feel gross, and fat, and ugly, and because of all of that, unloved. Even if someone was interested in me, I don't think I would allow myself, in the state I am in, to get involved. It's a double-edged sword. I don't know how to explain it. I just needed to get this off my chest. I wish I knew how to fix it. I am sure I will have more to write later, but for now I need to go do something else.

Chicago Day 2

Living on the Ledge! This morning Jen and I got up and went to the Willis Tower. This of course used to be the Sears Tower. This was a really cool experience. We were scared to death to go out into this window box thing. We were holding hands we were so freaked out. You can see it in the picture though.

After the Willis tower we headed to The Magnificent Mile, AKA Michigan Avenue. Seriously, we could have spent the entire trip there. Garrett Popcorn was amazing! If we had found it earlier, we would have been eating it the whole time. This was a fabulous day. We stopped at a place called Big Bowl. Super Yum!

To be continued...

Chicago!

Chicago day 1...

We were staying at the Hampton Inn and they had some breakfast items I could made do with, along with my box of Chex cereal I was good to go. After breakfast we headed to Navy Pier. It was kind of a let down. First of all, it was over 90 degrees that day and we were dying, secondly, there was an overabundance of biting flies. OK, so I was the only one they were attacking, and I can't figure out why, but I was kind of annoyed. We walked and walked and walked forever. Did I mention that it was like a bazillion degrees? Oh well, lunch redeemed the day. We went to the Webber Grill. It was amazing. They had a great gluten free menu. I had a fancy version of a bacon cheese burger and fantastic mashed potatoes and cole slaw! Super yum! It even came on a gluten free bun. I was super excited.

After lunch we wandered around some more. We walked over to the Hard Rock because Jen desperately wanted a tank top.

This was going to be the night we all went to Uno’s for their famous Chicago Stuffed pizza and because they have a gluten free menu. PEOPLE… DO NOT GO THERE. I was sadly disappointed and super glad we called ahead. Even though their website clearly states that they have the gluten free menu, they do NOT. I even called their Due restaurant and they did not have it either. They are the only two locations that do not have the gluten free menu.Seriously?The original store does not carry the full menu. Whatever! I was hot, and pissed, and I nearly seriously injured myself tripping on some sidewalk, I grabbed the iron gate and just jacked up my hand. Goodie, I am ever the klutz. Anyway, while walking back to the hotel to figure out what I was going to eat for dinner, while everyone would be enjoying their fancy pizza, I passed a place that I recognized from the glutenfreeregistry.com called Ben Pao. It as decent, their lettuce wraps don’t even compare to P.F. Chang’s.

After dinner we went on our river/lake architecture tour, which was amazing! We hoofed it over to the dock and hopped on our boat. What a cool experience. We got the low down on all the buildings and saw some beautiful sights. J

I was really upset that my camera wasn’t working correctly. When the boat docked we headed back towards the hotel and stopped at this (really crappy) bar next door. We ended up leaving there and just going back to the hotels breakfast room and drinking what we had in the cooler. Turned out to be an OK day in Chi-town!

Chicago, here I come!

Sunday Jen and Sean went to Indianapolis for a NASCAR race, which was the original reason we went on this crazy adventure. They left at like 5:30 in the morning. Stacey and I slept in a little bit and headed out to the 100 Bomber Club for a friends baby shower. I only know them because I have been up there so much. After the shower we headed out to Chicago. We got stuck in traffic when we got there because Sir Paul McCartney was playing that night. I say it was because I was driving. Seriously, the entire trip, every time I drove there was bad weather, traffic, accidents, etc. When Jen drove, smooth sailing. Oh well.

We somehow managed to meet up at almost the same time. We took Tracy and Stacey to the Westin where their conference was and we finally made it to the Hampton where we would be staying. I was completely frazzled by that point. The traffic coming into Chicago was awful and we had like no gas left and it was late, and of course Murphy's Law kicked in and the GPS stopped working. Needless to say I just needed to park the car and be done with it. We all went to P.F. Chang's for dinner. It was right downtown. Any opportunity to have the Chang's, I jump at it. We wandered around a little while after dinner and headed back to the hotel for some much needed sleep.

The day of days...

Saturday morning we strangely woke up early. We had no more than 4 hours of sleep the last few nights, but we were ready to go. I don't know what happened, but I was sick. I got glutened somewhere, but I just don't know where. After I got it together, we went to Cuyahoga Falls Metroparks to see the Brandywine Falls. This just happens to be the site where my friend works. It was beautiful. My fear of heights was however, getting the best of me.

We also stopped at the ski lift, because how funny is it to see a ski lift in the middle of summer? Yes, this is us pretending to ski. I know, I know... dorks.

After the Parks we went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Downtown Cleveland.

The traveling exhibit was Women Who Rock. We also got to go into Johnny Cash's tour bus. That was pretty cool. They also had Lady Gaga's Raw Meat Dress. That was actually pretty gross. It looked like bloody human flesh. Apparently, it had been taken, immediately after she wore it, to a taxidermist. it was dipped in some chemicals to preserve it.

After the Rock Hall we went to the Cleveland Indians game at Progressive Field. I was excited to see what the gluten free offerings would be. I was able to eat dinner, which was good since we were starving. Here is what I found...

Party time, excellent!!!

This was party night. Stacey and Sean invited a bunch of friends and family over for a mid-summer night's party. This is always a good time including a lot of laughs. We ordered pizza from Tommy's pizza and chicken. This is, by far, my favorite of the gluten free pizza. If you ever make it to Strongsville, Ohio, you don't want to miss this.

Lunch

We arrived in Strongsville about 10am. Of course I laid on the horn as we pulled into the driveway. Sean came out and Stacey said we were rock stars for getting there so quickly. We had pretty good motivation. We hung out for awhile, and took showers and went to lunch. We went to this place called Treehuggers Cafe. They said nearly everything on the menu could be made gluten free and they even make gluten free bread in house. I ordered this crazy grilled cheese thing. It had onions, avocado, buffalo mozzarella and a few other veggies.

I really wanted these Sweet Potato fries, but they are fried in the same oil as something else, so instead I treated myself to a gluten free cranberry, chocolate chip cookie. :)

Atlanta

On Thursday, July 28, 2011, I left on my next greatest adventure. Jen and I stopped for random touristy things like, pecans in Georgia, and Florida randomness. We got stuck in a traffic jam outside Macon, GA due to an accident, however, we were greatly amused by this lovely car...

Best part is that I am pretty sure that is a stolen music stand from USF. This woman was stuffed into her car among her stuff which was piled to the ceiling. She did have a trampoline in there because that it what everyone needs. :P

We finally made it to Atlanta where we met Allison at Buckhead Pizza at the Galleria. Food wasn't bad, but wasn't the best gluten free pizza I have had. All I cared about was seeing Allison. It had only been 16 years. She looks exactly as she did in high school. I think she is going to visit Florida soon.

After dinner we hit the road again. We drove through Tennessee, Kentucky and then finally Ohio making it to Strongsville by about 10:00 AM.

To be continued...

On The Road Again...

The moment you have all been waiting for has officially arrived. I am just wrapping up the last few bits of packing and getting ready, and then I am off to pick up the rental car. I am technically not supposed to pick it up until noon, but I am trying to get there early. :) Then I can get Jen early and then we can get to our first stop early, or on time. I am not sure what kind of traffic we will encounter.

So to recap from earlier posts, our first stop is Atlanta, but just for dinner. I can't wait to see Allison. We haven't seen each other in 16 years. Seriously? WTF is that nonsense?

Anyway, no more distractions... off to get ready.

Gluten Free at Progressive Field!

WooHoo! It totally exists!!! I can't wait for Saturday! I have never been able to have anything but peanuts at baseball games. I know, I am such a dork, but this is a whole new world for me. I found this on nowheatnoworries.com. Yay!

I thought I was going to escape the heat!

It turns out that the north is having a heat wave. Goodie. It's as hot there as it is here. Oh well, at least I am going on vacation.

I am putting together the final details of the trip. We are stopping in Atlanta to have dinner with a friend. We will be visiting Buckhead Pizza to taste their gluten free pizza. We shall see how it stands up to the others I have tried. Once in Cleveland I am sure I will get some Tommy's Pizza, as I usually do when I visit up there. I think it was one of the very first gluten free pizzas I tried. It's literally right down the road from my friends house. I've also just learned that there are some gluten free options at Progressive Field where the Cleveland Indians play. I will surely be checking this out, as we are going to a game Saturday night after spending the day at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Apparently it's near section 164. Oh I will find it.

That's about all I have for now, my real concern is how I am going to manage to stick to Weight Watchers while on this trip.

aaaaaaaahhhhhhh... lol I made this.

Today I was called an inspiration.

I am really not sure how I feel about this. It was not because I am a middle school teacher, it was not because I am adopting a rescue dog, it was not because I have overcome diseases, a failed marriage, and weighing up to 400 lbs for awhile, and it was not because I am a good person.

Here I was minding my own business, rocking out to some California Love, doing my thing on the treadmill at the gym when this older lady came up and scared the living crap out of me. I paused my music and she got very close and said, "I wanted to let you know that you are an inspiration." I thanked her and she walked away. I've never seen her before. I have no idea who she is. She doesn't know my story. All she saw was A FAT GIRL RUNNING ON A TREADMILL. Seriously? This is why I am an inspiration? I don't understand it. Is it because I manage to get my earbuds in despite having 16 earrings in my ears? Is it because I have butterflies tattooed on my legs? Is it because I have the oldest Ipod known to man and my shoes and clothes are old and crappy? I have no idea. I should have asked her why she thought I was an inspiration. Was it like, hey... a fat girl can do this, so an old lady had to be able to do it also? I really don't think I am any type of inspiration, especially since it was based upon my appearance.

I actually think I am kind of pissed off about this.

Driving Miss Daisy.

Drum roll please... Yup, I picked a name for the pup! Zooey. I love that name and I found out it means "life". It is very suiting since she was rescued from a kill shelter two days after she was scheduled to go down.

She is a little bit crazy, but I am going to take her for training.

Today I took The Nana to the dermatologist and a few other places. While there I scheduled the next zapping of Gorby. August 9th. I should be good to go by the time the kids come back to school. I'll just wear the bandanna during pre planning. So Gorby will be gone, and my eyebrows have been tattooed on, now if I could just lose this weight, I would be so much happier. I am trying with weight watchers and the gym, but I am not seeing great results. I have to order this bridesmaid dress soon. ugh. I just wish my clothes would fit. I have to buy a new pair of jeans and some stuff to go out of town with. I don't have enough clothes that fit. Super.

OK, so tomorrow Zooey and I are going to go to Jo's to play with Ozzy, and then on Saturday we will go to the Dog Days of Summer at Fletcher's and get her picture taken. Then Saturday night some of the girls and I will be doing a 1980's Scavenger hunt/pub crawl. I think it will be fun. I just hope my eyebrows aren't in the sun too much. LoL.

Stripper names.

I am having the hardest time picking out a name for the puppy. All of the names I have come up with are stripper names. Here are some ideas so far.

1. Lucy

2. Lulu

3. Ginger

4. Cinnamon

5. Twilah

5. Tallulah

6. Sweetpea

7. Sandy

8. Honey

9. Sunshine

10. Sasha

11. Maggie

12. Molly

13. Stella

14. Amber

15. Kelly (to keep with the theme... Jo's got Ozzy, and Jay has Jack)

16. Roxy

Anyone have any ideas?

I hope you had the time of your life.

It seems fitting that I heard the song, "I hope you had the time of your life," on my drive home from the theater today.

I did have the time of my life. I followed these characters, and watched them grow up. This last movie ended the series of books and films. The finality of it all is very sad. I am sorry to see it end, but the movie totally did it justice. I feel like the whole Harry Potter thing was one big chapter of my life. I remember being hesitant at first. I thought a children's book couldn't live up to my expectations. I was so wrong. This really became part of my life. Yes I cried during the movie, but I also cried while reading the book. I am sorry to see you go Harry Potter. Hopefully I will find new characters to become attached to for the next 15 years.

Fun Stuff

This weekend I have had a visitor... the four legged kind. Jack. He belongs to my brother. He is such a love. He has been all snuggly and sweet. We have gone on walks and I have brushed him... a lot. He really likes it. It's really funny to listen to him walk around on my laminate floor. He sounds like he is tap dancing. He does slobber much more than I am used to. He's a good boy. He has definitely kept me company. Jay comes back to get him tomorrow at some time, and then I get to have my rescue dog from Dunedin Doggie Rescue, for 5 days. I am still trying to think of a name.

What do you think? So far I have Sasha, Lucy, LuLu, Sweetpea, Talula, and Sandy. Anyone have any ideas? I still don't know if I get her furrever or not.

On Friday I went to do some paint your own pottery at Art from the Heart Cafe in Dunedin. I have never done this before, but it was super fun. I made the coolest thing ever, but I can't show you what it is until Friday, so stay tuned. It's super cool, you won't want to miss it.

Tomorrow I am going (very early in the morning) to see Harry Potter. It's the last one. :( So sad, I have totally loved this series. I will give my review soon.

THE TRIP... I know that's what you're waiting for. We are going to do a sunset river cruise in Chicago, and a ghost tour, and in Memphis we are going to tour Sun Studios. Those are the only updates as of right now. Still waiting on suggestions. :)

You know you want to know all about my adventures! Here is the itinerary so far...

July 28th - pick up rental car, get Jen in Spring Hill, drive to Atlanta. In Atlanta, we will be meeting my super awesome friend from high school, Allison. I probably haven't seen her since 1995. From Atlanta we will drive straight through to Strongsville (Cleveland), OH to see our friends Stacey and Sean.

July 29th - arrive in Strongsville. Sleep. Party the night away with Stacey, Sean, and all the Ohio peeps! We will be bringing a special surprise ;)

July 30th - Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!!! Such a cool place. Maybe and Indians game.

July 31st - Jen and Sean leave for the race in Indianapolis. Stacey and I leave for Chicago. Jen and Sean, meet us in Chicago after the race.

August 1st - Spend the day in Chicago. Possibly Natural History Museum, Michigan Ave, shopping, food, taking tons of pictures. We are looking for suggestions, and Jen and I have never been there.

August 2nd - All day in Chicago again.

August 3rd - Leave Chicago for Memphis. Find dinner. Hit Beale Street to do some damage!!!

August 4th - Maybe Graceland, tour the city, get into trouble. Head home.

August 5th - Return rental car by noon. :( Vacation is now over.

If you have suggestions of what we should do, or places to stop while on the trip, let me know. I am so excited to do this. I totally need a vacation, and what better than an adventure?

Slobbering Issue

The doctors office called. I have to go back in 6 month to repeat some test because I got some weird results. Not next week, or next month or in three months, but six. Half a year! Not the normal weird results I usually get, something completely different. First of all, something I have been battling for three years has finally come back negative! WooHoo!!! I think that I am finally rid off all this shit. Well, fingers crossed anyway. The battle I have fought over the past few years might finally be coming to and end... for now. Damn this human experience and bodies that do not cooperate. Whatever, I am totally happy about the news I

Jack, my brothers dog, is here visiting until Sunday. He is a good boy, he loves me. He does have a slobbering issue. He flings slobber everywhere. It's ok, it's super funny when he does it, and I don't mind cleaning up after him. Once he leaves the rescue dog will be coming back for her next visit. I have left out her name on purpose because I am going to change it.

I signed up for a stupid class yesterday. It's only one day, so it's all good. At least I'll get a little $$ out of it. I think Friday I am going to go paint some pottery. I haven't done it before, so we shall see. Anyway, that is all for now. Off to make something for breakfast and then head to the gym.

Starting Anew

Yes, I have decided to Blog again. This time, it will be about anything and everything. Total randomness. You know you love it!

Today I discovered StumbleUpon... OK, so much fun. Such a time killer. I have also recently discovered Pinterest. Now that is a really fun site. I strongly suggest you go check them out and see what they are. I can't forget to mention Google+, the new face of social networking. Now, the dilemma is getting all of this shit to link together. :p

In other news, I have spent the last month mourning the death of my best friend (four-legged) partner in crime, Cosmo.

It has really broken me. He really was my best friend. I don't really have a best friend per se anymore, so this was really difficult.

I have so much love to give, and being all alone, just sucks. I think I have decided to adopt a rescue dog from Dunedin Doggie Rescue. She was saved from a kill shelter. She is the total opposite of Cosmo. I didn't think I was going to get another dog, but I am not doing so well by myself. I can't sleep, I feel lost, and everyday I cry. I am so torn because I feel awful about Cosmo and nothing can ever replace him. He was always there for me through the craziest six years of my life. Yea, he was six, it was complications from Pancreatitis. I really don't want some other dog, I just want my dog back. I have to be logical and know that will NOT happen, so I am doing what I think is OK, saving a beautiful animal from being killed.

OK enough of this for tonight. No more crying.

Metamorphosis!

On Tuesday I had Gorby removed. The problem with this is that no one told me I would have such severe bruising. This thing hurts like hell and it is like a 3rd degree burn on my face. I have to wear a bandanna to cover my head. Do you know what it's like trying to get vasaline out of hair? Seriously I have stuff slathered all over my face. This better go away soon. I feel like something like this will scar and leave marks, I can't figure out how it actually removed something. It's making me have anxiety.

I'm going to have to take medicine today because it seriously hurts like someone or something has kicked me in the head.

Tomorrow I am supposed to go out because a friend has returned (briefly) from the Navy, and everyone is getting together, but I look like a freak. Well worse than normal, like seriously in a bad way. There is no way I can compete with the pretty girls. Sigh.

Separately it's playoff season and both the Wings and the Bolts are in the running at the moment. I think that Tampa Bay is going to have a problem this weekend. It's their last opportunity to prove themselves against the Penguins. We'll see. Maybe this won't be their year, but maybe it will.

One last thing... LAST DAY BEFORE SPRING BREAK!!! OMG it can't come soon enough. I have really had enough of this year.

Stupid.

Why did/do I let you make me feel this way? Did I waste these last few years on a fair-weather friendship? You suck.

Realization

I ran into an old friend Friday night. This is a person I met when I was about 15 years old, which was right in the middle of what I am realizing was my one true love. Some old memories were brought up, and I have been thinking about how I became the completely insecure person I am today.

This stupid boy broke my heart. No, he shattered it. I have not had a "healthy" relationship since that time. My marriage was never even rooted in love. I don't know what it was, but it sure wasn't mutual.

I remember months after we broke up sitting with him in the dark as he told me that he was better and he wanted me back. I was crying and I almost half considered it. I said no, I couldn't do that, I couldn't go back to that. In the end he had just thrown me away for someone else. Someone who was white trash and had a stripper name. He crushed me. I'm broken.

I don't know what I have been looking for all these years since I was 16 years old, but I know I have always had to be in control. I hate that. I don't want to control things. I want love more than anything. I want to share life with someone. I don't want to be the 3rd wheel. I love my friends but I always feel like the odd man out. I want someone who wants to hug me and hold me, and be with me. I don't want to look anymore. Someone needs to show up in mt life. I am tired of having a broken heart. It's time to sew it back up. I'm old. I don't want to be alone, and I surely don't want to settle again.

It's been awhile...

I think I'm going to start blogging again. It will of course be different topics since I am not really traveling right now, but I am always on the adventure. :)